Secret Insanity

I’m not into drama. I don’t care who did what to who, who did who or even who knows who. I don’t care who’s secretly related, secretly sleeping or who they wake up with on their mind. I’m not interested in your exes, but if you are my present then that’s all there is to it. I’m not standing for the nonsense and not sitting down to give my opinion. I don’t know where you think you are or who you think you’re talking to. All I know is that my business is over here and to it, I will be true.

I know what’s expected of me and I know what I’m willing to give. I know how much effort I’m going to put into hanging on and at what point I plan to let go. I know that I’m the only one that is allowed to drive me crazy. I’ve got the only copy of the key. I know that I’m fortunate enough that there is another person that is able to calm me, cause that is the one thing I can’t do myself.

I am honest with myself. I know that sometimes I lose my temper, most times I can keep the voices under control and all the time I’m crazy. I know that I hide my insanity well, but it often comes out onto the pages. I understand that and I’m okay with it.

I’m fine with the words to pour out of me with the motions of my fingers. What I don’t want is to lose control and have my secret thoughts pour out of my mind. They must be kept from those who don’t truly know me. They must be held in, and not just for my sake. I know that everyone has that one person that can calm the voices, soothe the beast within them and dry their random tears. I know that I was lucky to find my person.

I am also smart enough to know that there will come a time when the voices get too loud, the beast too strong and the tears overflowing. I know that it may be too much for anyone to handle, even me. I know that and that’s why I keep it all in. That’s why I fight it all back as hard as I can, and more importantly….

That’s why I don’t do drama or anything else that would release the insanity.

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